Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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