happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
