She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.