You really coming over, don't trick.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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