yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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