Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning