The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that