Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Most Annoying Things Drivers Do on the Road
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
People Share What It’s Really Like to Date Long Distance
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.