We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?