lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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