I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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