Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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