well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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