did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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