Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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