that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
