i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
