why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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