so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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