I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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