Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
