mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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