How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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