FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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