Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
