I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
