Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
