he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
