I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize