"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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