No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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