wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i believe in u and ur pee
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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