I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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