I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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