I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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