captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
