White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
