Me too!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
