I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
