I seem to have left my pride at pride
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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