Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
