I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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