he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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