remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
false alarm, still single
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
