we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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