let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
