he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He kissed a someone with a penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
