2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
