I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
