smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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