just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
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I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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