I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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