Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
