Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
