IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
