I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
