so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
