I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize