I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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