Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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