did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
