As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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