Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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