Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
