Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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