why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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