you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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