did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
