How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just high enough for therapy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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