i just made my gag reflex go away.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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