well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
