why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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