There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
50% drunk capacity currently
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
