Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
