Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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