Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
