I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
