You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
