he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
