I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
