the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
