I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
